Table for 2
by Ryu-Sorairo
Summary: Roy leaves Ed alone with a bottle of wine. What could go wrong?
1. Chapter 1

Ed yawned, putting his head in his hands. "Man, I'm so bored."

Roy glared at him from across the table. "Elric, get your elbows off of the table! This is the fuehrer's birthday party, show some respect!"

"Oh please, like you care." Ed mumbled, now picking at his nails.

There was a round of applause and they glanced up to find one person leaving the stage and another coming on, pulling out a piece of paper from his pocket. Ed grinned. "I bet you can't wait until it's your turn, huh?"

Roy snorted, opening the bottle of wine on their table. "It's stupid. Why should we have to give a congratulatory speech, anyways?"

"Because dogs of the military must pledge their eternal allegiance to the fuehrer?"

Roy grabbed a glass off of the near by cart and filled it with the wine.

Ed stared at him. Roy stared back. "Why didn't you get me a glass?"

"What, for wine? Elric, you're under age."

"Yeah, and thirsty."

"So get some water or something."

"Where from, captain brainiac? All I see is wine."

Roy looked around. "I guess the fuehrer forgot that one of his members is underage. Probably because you're so short. Wait here, I'll go get you some milk or something."

Ed shot up. "Short? MILK?"

Everyone turned to look at him. He grinned sheepishly.

"My bad. Nothing to see here, people…just turn around and continue listening to that amazing speech…haha…."

They turned back around, mumbling amongst themselves. Ed collapsed in to his seat, scowling. His eyes wandered to the wine bottle and a smile slowly spread over his face…

x-x-x-x

"I'm sorry I took so long. Jeez, they're still on the K's?" Roy asked, setting the cup on the table as Avery Killman continued his speech. Ed didn't move. "Probably bored him to sleep." He took the bottle of wine and tipped it over.

Nothing came out.

His eyes immediately darted to Ed, who was spread out on the table motionlessly. His eyes widened. "Oh, god, he drank the whole bottle! He could have died of alcohol poisoning!"

He glanced around. No one was looking. He scooted over to Ed. "Come on, Full Metal! Don't do this to me!" he said, grabbing Ed by the shoulders. His head lulled to one side. Roy released him, causing him to slip forwards. "No, please don't be dead! It's my fault for leaving you unattended with alcohol! I'll be sent to jail!"

Ed scowled. _Is that all he cares about? Figures. I guess I cant get him sent to jail for murder (even if I want to)….but I can get him in trouble for giving liquor to minors!_

He groggily sat up. Roy's jaw dropped. "Y- you're alive!"

"hic Yeahhhh..Amm I evEr!" he replied, wobbling from side to side.

Roy gave him a stern stare. "What the hell were you thinking? I told you not to touch that bottle!"

"Whyy? Cuz yoU wanted To kEEp all ThAT Fun foR your SElF?"

There was a round of applause and Killman walked off of the stage, the announcer taking his place. "There's been a slight change of plans. Because we're pressed for time, we must skip over a majority of our members. Sorry, sorry. Our next announcer will be Colonel Roy Mustang!"

Roy sweat dropped. He couldn't leave Ed alone, what if something happened? But he couldn't be found out, either. He smiled nervously, standing up and walking towards the stage.

Ed grinned. "Time to have some fun."


	2. Chapter 2

Roy stood on the stage and glanced up at Ed, who looked too sloshed to function. His mouth lifted in a slight smile. Maybe this would turn out ok after all. He cleared his throat.

"We are all gathered here today to honor the birth of one of the most important people who ever existed- our fuehrer." –he glanced up at Ed, who waved at him innocently, smiling broadly- "The luxuries we enjoy, the freedom we hold, would not exist if weren't for our fuehrer's hard work, dedication and-"

"Blah, blah, blah.." Ed mumbled, taking off both of his jackets and unbraiding his hair. "You can sound as smart as you want, Mustang, but there's no way in hell you can smooth talk your way out of this!" He glanced around to make sure no one was looking and grabbed the empty wine bottle. He tiptoed over to the bathroom, filled it up with tap water, then sneaked back to his seat and crawled onto the table.

"Through persistence, vigor and pure passion, he has forever changed our lives-"

"Good. He's too absorbed with the sound of his own voice to notice me." Ed said, roughing up his hair and clearing his throat.**"**OH MY GAWD! YOU'RE SO SEXY! SIGN MY BOOT!"

Everyone turned around as one of Ed's boots went flying up to the stage. Roy stared in horror as Ed almost swerved off of the table. He cast Roy a drunken smile. "HEEEEEY, buddy! Look what I've got! This bottle! That actually touched your LIPS!" Ed slurred, waving the bottle around then taking a large gulp. People turned to look at Roy.

"You left a minor alone with alcohol?"

"T-that bottle was empty!" Roy yelled, staring bewildered at Ed, who started giggling.

"Hahaha! Cute and funny!" Ed fell off of the table. Roy paled.

"He must have gotten another bottle or something! I know that bottle was empty!"

One member of the crowd walked over to the spot where Ed was sprawled out. "…There's a wine stain here."

Roy threw the microphone down in anger. "WHAT? I thought you already drank….."

"Drank what?"

"You thought a minor was drunk, and you didn't say anything?"

"That's illegal!"

Roy took a step back. "Hey, it's not my fault! I told him not to touch it!"

"And you thought he'd listen?"

"How reckless!"

"mumble"

" mumble"

"Awwwww! Don't be mean to him!" Ed said, staggering off of the floor and over to the stage. He hugged Roy for dear life.

"Elric! Get off of-" He was cut off by Ed brushing against his lips. He flushed, Pushing Ed off of the stage with a bone crushing thud. A chorus of gasps filled the room.

Ed smiled as a frustrated Roy was carted off. There was a deep laugh and he looked up to find the Fuhrer peering down at him. "That was quite a show Edward."

"Oh…um…."

"It's okay. I know you weren't really drunk. I saw you dump the wine on the floor when the colonel left to get a drink."

Ed blinked. It was creepy how this guy managed to see everything…especially with that eye patch… "So is the colonel gonna go to jail?"

"I suppose I should bail him out…When I get around to it." He turned to leave.

"You're ditching your own party?"

"I've had my fun for tonight. Besides, if I have to listen to another speech, I might just crack."

Ed stared in awe as he jumped out the window. "…WEIRD."

When Roy was finally let out of jail, he was bombarded with questions questioning his sexuality, where as Ed got of scott free for acting "under the influence", although, he had to go through a whole tube of tooth paste to fully sanitize himself…


End file.
